Sunday, July 31, 2011

20 year olds are fucking useless.




twenty years olds are these people who (for the most part) don't contribute to society. they are (and here, i should preface, that this discussion is referring to the "general" but rather, the specifically north american, and privileged), in a sense, the most useless people in the world, (except for the much-too-depressing concept of the elderly). and i know that they say that the youth is the future, and that's just because they are. you won't breed generations or keep that cycle going if it weren't for the youth, yes; but they are only a silver lining by virtue of their reproductive capacities. they hold the potential to press the refresh button on this evolutionary cycle, and that is a nice thought, but beyond that, 20 year olds are fucking useless.

they are in a certain grid of the social sphere, in which they are both considered old enough to be held accountable for their actions, and yet young enough to exist with as little responsibility as possible. this means that they're old enough to literally do whatever they want and yet young enough to not have to do anything. this is why they say you should do things in your twenties. now is the time. now is the time, to revel in the fact, that you are living an existence, that mostly consists of sucking up an excessive amount of resources. if you are in your twenties, we could probably do without you. life is great and i encourage you to stick with it for as long as possible, both beyond and within the 20 year old sphere, but i have to tell you, that for now, we really don't need you.

when i say that you suck up excessive amount of resources, i mean that you are the only ones who have time for the internet, and your technologies, and the arts. of course twenty year olds find the arts appealing. everything, music, painting, literature, film, whatever. we're the only ones who have time for that shit. we're the ones who actually have time to BE existential. little kids don't care about why they exist - they're too busy enjoying it. and older people don't care about why they exist, because they have bigger problems.

i swear, sometimes, i just find myself really conscious - unintentionally so, of the very happenings of my life. (duh, cause i'm fucking 20). but the amount of shit that i don't do on a daily basis is overwhelmingly disproportionate to the amount of shit that not only needs to get done in the world, but that i, myself, hold the very capacity to get done. instead of burning out with purpose, 20 year olds burn out on drugs, and snacks, and the fucking internet. and this isn't just applicable to your drop out stoners. even the ones who actively participate in an academic culture, spend most of their time, sucking up resources regardless. chances are, you fit the description of a full time student, part time shit-job holder, and all that means is that you get to spend most of your time doing stuff according to your own schedule, and then on the occasion that you have to submit to the economic structure of the world, you work a couple hours at some shit job, so that you can continue to participate in luxuries, like shopping, and, i guess eating isn't a luxury, but eating whatever you want, whenever you want, seems to be.

and yeah, louie ck is right. even the ones who think they're contributing, are really only taking advantage of opportunities built for themselves. go ahead, build those homes in those third world countries. of course, it's better than not doing that, but the reason you get to fly over, under the umbrella of that particular organization, is because the social system constructed that concept with your very useless existence in mind.

now, of course, i encourage the youth to be active in society, and for those who feel driven and genuinely tired with the amount of effort they put into their, hopefully, worthwhile existence, i encourage you. but i remind you, that you are a small percentage of the general.

going to class, is a fucking luxury. i don't want to position education as a privilege and not as a right - but just think about how it works. you take a social system and you get the opportunity to restructure it according to your own comfort and needs, and then you get to spend your days sitting in giant rooms with loads of other people, like you, listening to someone talk about the things you find interesting, and if you DON'T find that concept appealing, you don't have to do any of it! you can walk out, with the unrealized comfort of crossing the street into any fucking neighbourhood you want, really, and if you stop, and you think, mmm, i want a coffee, you go, and you get that fucking 4 dollar latte, and you continue your existence as a resource sucker upper.

twenty year olds are the one's who sit on steps of various buildings, pass snacks, joints, and jokes around. twenty year olds are surrounded with empty coffee cups. twenty year olds get to say things like, "i don't know. i'll see if i feel like it." and the crazy part is, this little detail is kind of applicable to twenty year olds from all spectrums. from lower income households, to higher income households. even if you can't afford that vacation plane ticket every month like others can, you can still probably afford to pass your days in a sort of mutually liberated and boring rhythm. you don't have to have a pace, and that's a luxury that twenty year olds carry over from their childhood, into an aspect of their adulthood.

and i don't say any of this to discourage twenty year olds from existing. in fact, i say this to reaffirm those moments when you find yourself sad, and you just don't know why. because that's what twenty year olds do. everything is awesome, and they know it, and then they get sad, and they don't know WHY, because they're also grown up enough to know that there's nothing to be sad about.

and i think, maybe, when that happens, it's cause we might be sad that we're useless. it's something that's sort of out of our control. all we can do is take advantage of these amazing opportunities given to us, and not just because you're western or possibly white, but because you're in your twenties. what the fuck else are you going to do?

Thursday, July 28, 2011

"it's kind of unbelievable how we're not all dead."

she is blazed. the most blazed she has have ever been. and out of indifference, and a curious intrigue in riding the bus, she hops on with the rest of them. we arrive on a central summer night in this fucking city she loves so, and she's starving. always has been, always will be. as usual, she ends up at the boys table - the boys club, and as they voice their oder for the greasy grub, she responds to a call from the other side - the girls table. a group of teenage girls who think she's just the coolest. they offer her a cigarette, and she begrudgingly accepts. with her gaze focused on a blur between the edge of a table, and a chair leg, she exhales, drowning out the noise of youth and laughter, trying to stupidly breath in the summer air like it's a cigarette. it's not. she catches a look at the corner of her eye, and group of men are staring straight at her. she has caught the words, "i could stare at her all day." and like an animal who hears a noise in the woods, she is startled.

"yeah, YOU" they say.

the tables surrounding her quiet at this new, disruptive and loud development.

her friend from the boys club is looking directly at her with a stupid grin on his face.

"i am sorry," the first man of three says, "but you are so hot."

in her drugged stupor, she pretends he has said the words, "stone cold fox" and elongates her naked legs.

"really, truly, goddamn... a total fox," says the second man of three.

the tables surrounding her, friends and strangers alike begin howling out on her behalf.

"what's your name, gorgeous?" calls out the third man of three.

she squirms at his directness. smiles like she is pleased, when mostly she is overwhelmed with a surprising degree of humility. "there's a name, it's not important," she says. "look! there's a whole other table of pretty girls!"

both the crowd and table of three dismiss her attempts, "yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, you are HOT."

she pouts, but the night carries on.

things.

i don't even remember days when they're done. do you? i go through them, marking down thoughts and moments, because i've been blogging from the womb (slight exaggeration, stop that, nobody likes that guy), but then i come here and i honestly don't remember how a set of tiny lovely things can just sort of build up into a whole day.

what a lame thought.

see, that's my problem as a, "writer." talking like this, like a plane-ride-carry-on-chick-flick-diary-writer - this is the voice i'm the most comfortable writing in, and also the least challenging. the most challenging is when i try to abstract my thoughts, which isn't any less legitimate, but transforming the meaning of my words with this seemingly incompatible imagery often pinpoints the reality and honesty i'd like to really know, you know? so i try to say things i see, and sometimes, i really like it. one of my favourite things i've ever said have featured the words moms and vagabonds. and maybe i should challenge myself more.

to say things.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

the north



on Homes.

"the house looked very neat and white as it emerged through the green and yellow leaves; it wasn't such a bad house after all. it looked, as john givings had once said, like a place where people lived -- a place where the difficult, intricate process of living could sometimes give rise to incredible harmonies of happiness and sometimes to near-tragic disorder, as well as to ludicrous minor interludes ("That's All, Folks!"); a place where it was possible for whole summers to be kind of crazy, where it was possible to feel lonely and confused in many ways and for things to look pretty bleak from time to time, but where everything, in the final analysis, was going to be all right.

- Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road