this house is currently chaos with saris and naipolish and my mothers expectations #brownparties

i don't write enough.

but had one of the most honest conversations i've ever had with my father, and was overwhelmed with just how much i respect him. i think that's important to note. not just love, because we all love our dads for being our dads - but truly admire and respect. i have great pride to be the daughter of the cool uncle who would consistently pick his rampant teenage nephew up in the middle of the night while his parents scrambled to throw a suffocating shit fest. i have great pride to be the daughter of a brave journalist, a naive younger brother, and a man, who like me, always chooses the harder option - because for whatever reason, we intuit a sort of moral absolutism, and embrace a seemingly concrete understanding that somethings are just wrong and that some things are just right. the lines consistently blur, but we have always opted for right.

also, he's a strong male figure who sees no reason to believe that his respective daughters couldn't be president some day.

that's pretty cool.

"Yeah, revenge of the nerds. I mean, look at where we are."

saturday night watching clueless. sorry this has turned into a twitter account.

remember when i said i wanted a new blog to add more substance? well. here's a wishlist.

whatever pt II.

whatever. best.

THE PROM. CLASS PROTECTOR. THE SUNDAYS WILD HORSES COVER. ALL OF IT. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF.

everything is the worst.

flirting with cute boys in bands is the worst.

going to shows is the worst.

despite of all our conflicts, i still sit and adore you / a tragedy for the ages

decisions.

i wanted to make some. the erasure of that which constituted as essentially useless (though, surely pretty) content on this joanna newsom inspired (what things aren't joanna inspired? or plagiarized for that matter?) blog, was one of many decisions i'm accidentally taking up, now that life is expectant.

that thing happened, and after doing this for years (good lord, years), i can tell you, it's inevitable - that thing where you stored a blog long enough, and it comes to have accumulated enough gross feelings, such that it stops being remotely fun to sift through anymore. you start to find that the things you were once proud to have written are suddenly effortlessly flawed. what was once defiantly accurate, is now embarrassingly honest. but being naked on the internet has always been my gift.

the gross emotions never end!

if i happened to have carried over readers to this thing - i say welcome. i say welcome, and apologize in advance for not posting enough. and for having ever acknowledged myself as a nihlistic hippie. what you see in me is neither nihilism, nor idealism - both of which demand a degree of unwarranted commitment. what you see is left over teenage angst, and long, exhausted, dry, thick, hair.

on fathers.

"if everyone had a dad like me, no one would have sex tapes."
- Tina Fey

"the resistance to fathers is honorific, and resistance to fathers is always the last lesson in the instruction of fathers. fatherhood knows that it is honored by teenage contempt."

"a whole sequence of fathers and sons and their relations looking backward for answers, finding, ultimately, that the most impossible father, with the most draconian set of regulations, was not in the living room preparing to lecture them, but cradled inside and impossible to dislodge."
- Rick Moody, The Black Veil