on cheating (not as immoral, but rather, as a luxury some can't afford)

"listen. but, okay, listen. so X? cheats on her boyfriend."

"oh."

"yeah."

"oh."

"but like, i don't know. she's still with him, even though they've got the long distance thing going, but she cheats on him all the time."

"oh."

"yeah."

"no, but okay, here's the thing. this is the thing. i hear this shit all the time from my friends in couples. and the thing is, i think it just comes down to confidence. like, i have people all the time cheating on each other, or breaking up, or even wanting just, "a break" and crying and whining, and i'm always like, "if it doesn't feel good, don't do it" and they're always like looking back on you, with this sort of, judgmental look. like, i have no fucking clue what i'm talking about because, well, frankly, i don't."

"YEAH, RIGHT?! i have NO experience to back myself up here."

"right. so supposedly we don't, 'know' or whatever. but the thing is, i think the difference is that these people wouldn't care as much as we do. and i know that sounds condescending, but i really think it's because... well.., they see relationships, and sex, as attainable. something they'll always have access to. that's just it. they know they can get someone else, so they're not so worried about fucking up whatever's going on now. no, but wait. no, i know that sounds like they're not capable of real feelings or anything, but i mean, that's why when they're all like crying and shit going on and on about how they really did love the person they cheated on, i make that gross face. not because i don't believe that's possible. maybe they really did love them. but if they still wanted to be around that person, they wouldn't have taken active steps to push them away. the subconscious is screaming here. so the reason we don't get it, is because we don't even think that shit exists. and once we found it? we would hold on to it like a motherfucker. we would treat it like a precious fucking gem, and be the most abnormally functional about it. we wouldn't do anything to fuck it up, (and that might fuck it up regardless), but the difference between us and them is that fucking up isn't even an option, because who knows when the fuck someone else will care about us again?"